Jacksonville, Florida - The world was set to end on May 21st, so the story goes. It was to enter the abyss never to be seen again, but the recently drafted quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars, Blaine Gabbert, had other ideas. "I apologize that the world got dark for a moment, but I got wrapped up in studying tape and lost track of time," Gabbert said wiping away the sweat from his brow and slipping on the Jaguars cap he received from NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell just one month ago at the 2011 NFL Draft.
As billions of people witnessed as the world started to slip into the void, the unexpected happened. The sun shined bright once again on what was an ominous Saturday in late-May. While it would be hard to imagine anyone being upset that the world was saved, one man, who will only go by his initials 'P.M,' said, "Aw shucks, I was hoping [inaudible] was the last time people would have to see me come up short yet again."
NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell declined comment, but he was heard saying, "[Expletive], now I guess the lockout continues. I thought this was the end of it" as he entered his limo heading toward the airport, presumably headed back to New York to work on the NFL lockout situation.
Jaguars Head Coach, Jack Del Rio, wearing his signature leather jacket and sunglasses, on the other hand, had plenty of things to say about his new quarterback. "He is a good man, and important part of our future. I did a great job trading up and nabbing just what we needed. Now, David Garrard is our guy, but Blaine will have his chance to be our guy soon enough. Just need to work hard with him and make him mentally tough. Saving the world from the abyss is one thing, but having me coach you is another. Have a lot of work to do; it isn't going to be easy but we are going to out there like grown men and play this sport like men do. Going to go out there with one mind and one spirit and do what we need to do to get things done." He continued saying nothing at all for another seven minutes as we walked away.
David Garrard, Jacksonville's current starting quarterback sheepishly smiled and asked if anyone wanted to know how his hand recovery was going, then gave us a picture to let everyone know he is fine (http://a.yfrog.com/img618/9794/i02d.jpg).
Asked what he'll do for a 2012 encore, Blaine Gabbert replied, "Well, I don't know, but if you'll excuse me I have to go. My wide receivers and I are going to go back to studying plays in the offseason. David gave me a piece of paper with someone whose initials are 'P.M." and said to call that number if I have any questions, but I think I'll figure it out on my own."
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
The Truth
Blaine Gabbert was the Seal Team Six member who shot Bin Laden while Jake Locker watched Dancing With The Stars on his TIVO.
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